Confessions of a Gym Junkie

I am sad and moody, but I won’t be reaching for my runners, singlet top, sweatpants and cap. The idea of spending an evening writing ranks pretty low on my list of what I’d like to do after a busy day in the newsroom. But I plant myself on the couch and type away anyway.

Because I know there are too many things that I need to get out. That I would need more than the rush of endorphins coursing through my veins to lift my spirits. That I would need something more to inspire me than the promise of a well groomed and chiselled physique.

It’s 12 days to Christmas and almost 20 to a new year. Yet, scenes and memories from the previous season of merrymaking are still etched vividly in my mind. Has it been that long?

Perhaps the best way to explain it is like this: Time passes like a flash when we are most engrossed, enthralled and entertained, while the hours stretch out for what feels like an eternity when the day that has past feels exactly the same as the one before, and we find ways to pass time, fill time, kill time.

I have taken an extraordinarily long route this year, and as I backtrack 2007, I wonder if I can trace it all – every step, every wrong turn, every pit-stop, destination and milestone.

There are memories I’ve done well to forget, others that I remember too well and would rather forget. Still others that have shaken the core of my being, changed me, strengthened me and reshaped my understanding of the world. They are a collage of names and faces, people and places, evoking different shades of emotions in me, invoking a sundry of my hopes and prayers, dreams and desires.

But two thoughts stay with me as I contemplate and ruminate.

Firstly, it is that as the year draws to a close, I shall not busy myself with the calculations – have I ended up where I envisioned myself to be at the start of 2007? The journey matters, and this windy route has taken me to places much further than I could have ever imagined.

And second, it is not how you start, but how you end that matters, a wise man once reminded me. I may feel like I have had a bad run this year, but what matters is that I keep on running. I can’t change what has past, but I can most certainly end the year on a hopeful note yet.